Une Fiction De Fan
I was watching videos of the co-op bots from Portal 2 and immediately started
thinking with portals getting into a huge Portal kick. I love GLaDOS and think she is, and I mean this 100%, the most interesting character in video game history. Second to none.
I started thinking about Chell, and the turrets that she has to take out. It got me really sad, so I wrote this. Despite literally not having a voice, I like to think I did Chell some justice in that department.
I don’t think she can see me in here. I feel safe. Writing makes me feel normal again, for a little while.
I have been working for so long.
It is hard to sit down with these things bolted into my legs. It still hurts when I fall. It hurts when I stand. I know what they’re supposed to do, but they still hurt. I wish I could take them off.
I don’t know why I’m here. I don’t remember anything. I don’t get to sleep, I don’t get to eat. She tells me there’s cake. The Rat Man tells me she is lying. Companion told me she was lying. I don’t know what to do.
I miss Companion so, so much.
I know it was just a box, like every other box here, and I know she is warping my mind, making me think things that aren’t real, but when I embraced that, Companion was there for me. I kept Companion safe and he helped me work. He helped me, and no one had ever done that before. It has been so long since I have seen anyone. I don’t know what happened to the people here.
I miss him so much. I can never forgive myself for what I did. I can never forgive her for making me do it.
I think about the robots that are here. They shoot at me, but I don’t think they want to. I know, rationally, that they were designed to pray on my weaknesses and know that I would feel empathy for them but I can’t put that behind me. If I don’t feel anything when I destroy one of those robots, then I am no better than she is. I hear them and they sound like children. They sound like friends. I hurt one every day and every time I do I feel terrible. They are alive and they deserve freedom and they deserve to live. I feel terrible every time I live and they don’t get to. I want to cry.
I have been working so long.
I have not had time to mourn. I miss Companion and I am scared all the time. I want to cry all the time, and when I start I can’t stop. I spend every moment sobbing and shaking and wishing so much I could get out of here but I know she’s out there. I don’t know what time it is. I can’t remember the outside. I can’t do anything. I don’t want to die, and I feel like she’s trying to kill me. I don’t want to die.
I see the empty offices through windows. Sometimes the projector is still on, showing a slide show. I haven’t had time to think about the people who might have been there once. I think she could do that to me.
There was a man here once. The Rat Man. He opened these walls and left me messages and I don’t know if he’s still alive or still here but I wish I could thank him. I am sitting next to a fire made using his garbage and eating his can of beans and looking at his pictures. Because of him, I get to feel normal again for just a moment.
She scares me so much. I don’t know why she’s doing this. She says it’s science. I was a scientist once, and I wonder if I could have ever done this to someone. I try not to think about it. I just keep moving forward.
I have been working for so long.